MATASHIYA:
Sister (Sadiya) babu shakka, da ɗan adam yana wadatuwa da faɗakarwa da tunatarwa da wa’azantarwa ko nasiha, tabbas da kun wadatu da a muku rubutu a kan ladubban zaman tare, amma zuciyar ɗan Adam kamar tsiro ce sai da bibiya da kulawa da daidaitawa. Muna muku kyakkyawan zaton zama gidan miji tutur, ba ma mafarkin kasancewar ku cikin masu auren jeka-ka-dawo wanda ya zama ruwan dare a wannan al’umma tamu. Prof.Abdurrahman I. Doi ya hakaito cewa: “Kaso saba’in da uku cikin dari 73% na ƙararrakin kotu a sasannin Arewacin Nijeriya a kan zamantakewar aure ne ”Matukar ana son samun al’umma mai kyakkyawar makoma, sai iyaye da malamai da hukuma sun ba da kulawa ta musamman wajen lalubo bakin zaren.
GABATARWA:
Kasancewar aure kamalar rayuwa ta ɗan Adam, kuma ɗaya cikin tsofaffin al’amuran da tarihin su yake farawa tun asalin samuwar shi ɗan Adam ɗin a bayan ƙasa. Kaso biyu cikin uku na rayuwar ɗan Adam yana gudanar da su ne cikin zamantakewar aure. Idan muka waiwayi tsarin aure da zamantakewar auratayya a faifan tarihi za mu ga yana caccanzawa gwargwadon canzawar zamani, yanayi, muhalli da salon gudanar da rayuwa ta mutane, sakamakon wasu abubuwa da za su iya gittawa a rayuwar al’umma, su canza tsarin tafiyar da al’adunsu.
A wannan taƙaitacciyar Maƙalah, za a ambaci wasu muhimman ladubba da zasu inganta zaman auratayyar ma’aurata duk da canjawar zamani, yanayi da muhalli, bisa haskakawar Qur’ani mai girma da Sunnah sahihiya kan fahimtar magabata na kwarai, da kuma bincike na zamani. Allah Jalla wa Alaa ya haskaka zukatanmu, ya ba mu fahimta. Ya sanya albarka da tasiri a maganganu da ayyukanmu. Ina rokon Allah Jalla wa Alaa, ya albarkaci aurenku, ya ba ku zaman lafiya mai ɗorewa, haɗuwar zukata da zuri’a tagari. Baarakallahu lakuma wa baaraka alaikuma wa jama’a bainakuma fi khair.
MUHIMMANCIN AURE A RAYUWA:
Aure shi ne ƙashin bayan dauwamar jinsin halittar ɗan Adam, dabbobi da tsirrai a bayan ƙasa, aure sutura ce ta aminci, nutsuwa, ci gaba, budi da kwanciyar hankali. Aure garkuwa ce, mai kare mutuncin mutum da rufa masa asiri, kuma hanya ce ta samun sa’ada a duniya. A taƙaice muhimmanci da fa’idojin da hikimomin da suke cikin rayuwar aure za mu iya kallonsu ta ɓangarori biyar(5):
Ahmiyyatuz zawaaj al-Fardiyyah war ruhiyyah, ahmiyyatuz zawaaj al-Ijtima’iyyah, ahmiyyatuz zawaaj assihhiyyah, ahmiyyatuz zawaaj al-Iqtisadiyyah, ahmiyyatuz zawaaj as-siyasiyyah.
1. Karanta National Review Vol 11 No3 July/August 2013 pg47, The Muslim Law of Divorce na K.N Ahmad da http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/highest-divorce-rate
2. Tanbihaatun Alaa Ahkamin Takhtassu Bil Mu’uminaat na Shaykh Dr. Saalih Fauzan Aali Fauzan, sh89
3. Sifaatuz-Zaujatis-Saliha na Shaykh Prof. Abdurrazzaq ibn AbdulMuhsin al-Badr da Macen Kwarai; Matsayinta, manufofinta, siffofinta da matakan samunta na Shaykh Abubakar Abbas 4. Sunan Nasaa (3231) Shaykh Albaniy ya inbantashi a Saheeha (1838)
5. As-Sa’adatuz Zaujaini na Dr. Sahaa Muhammad al-Qadda’, Maa tuhibbuhun Nisaa minar Rijaal na Shaykh Khalid Jaad da Matrimonial Education in Islam na Dr. Ahmad H. Sakr
6. Suratul A’araf Q7: 58
Wato muhimmancin aure a kan ruhi, zamantakewa, lafiyar jiki, tattalin arziki da siyasar shugabanci. Shaykh Salih Fauzan (Allah ya masa rahma) ya ce: “Aure yana da fa’idoji masu yawa; kiyaye mutum daga laifukan jinsi, taƙaita musu kallon haram, samun zuri’a da kiyaye nasaba, samun nutsuwar ma’aurata da tabbatuwar amincin zuciya, taimakekeniyar ma’aurata ga junansu, gina nagartaccen iyali domin samun al’umma musulmi tagari, samun sakamakon ibadar tsayuwa da al’amuran gida da sauransu.2
MACE TAGARI
Gidan miji masarauta ce ga mace, shi yasa mace tagari ke sarrafa dukkan abin da ta mallaka na ilmi, hankali, wayewa da ƙwarewar rayuwa, domin ganin ta mayar da masarautarta aljannar duniya, wajen kwanciyar hankali, more rayuwa da cikakkiyar nutsuwa ga uban ‘ya’yanta.
1. Mace tagari ita ce, wacce ta yi fice da ƙwarewa tare da yauƙaƙa soyayyarta wajen inganta bangorori 15 kamar haka: iya kwalliya, girki, tarba, murmushi, magana, kallo, rakiya, kwanciya, hira, tafiya, raha, rarrashi da kwantar da hankali.
2. Mace tagari a matakin farko tana kusantar mijinta ne, domin ta fahimci dabi’u, halaye da bukatunsa domin ta san yadda za ta zauna da abinta.
3. Mace tagari babban burinta, cika siffofin da Manzon Allah Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam ya siffanta mace tagari da su. “Khairu nisaa’ikum allatiy izaa nazara ilaiha zaujaha sarrathu, wa in amaraha adaa’athu, wa izaa ghaaba anha hafizathu fi nafsiha wa maalihi’’4
4. Mace tagari tana zaman aure ne, domin samun yardar Allah Jalla wa Alaa, lazimtar addu’o’i da kyautata ladubban tarbiyya ta addinin musulunci a gidanta da ‘ya’yanta, tana kiyaye ibadu da kamanta tsoron Allah Jalla wa Alaa a dukkan al’amuranta.
5. Mace tagari tana fifita ilmi fiye da komai na rayuwarta, tana maida hankali a kan kyakkyawar rayuwar ilmi a cikin gidanta da yaranta domin samun albarka da hasken rayuwa.
MIJI NAGARI
Duk wani miji a duniya yana so da neman mace tagari, wacce a idonta akwai tausayawa, a wajenta akwai hutu da nutsuwa, a zuciyarta akwai so da kauna, kamar yadda shi ma yake siffantuwa da siffofin nagarta.
1. Miji nagari shi ne mai tsoron Allah a cikin maganganunsa da ayyukansa, yana taimakawa iyalansa wajen samar da asalin tushen ƙauna, nutsuwa da girmamawa, wanda a kansu Musulunci ya gina zamantakewar aure.
2. Miji nagari shi ne wanda ya ɗauki Annabin Rahma sallallahu alaihi wa sallam abin koyin sa wajen kyautata mu’amala da iyalai, taya su aikin gida, ɗebe musu kewa, sanya farin ciki da annashuwa a zuciyarsu tare da kauda kai daga rauni da rangwamen tunaninsu.
3. Miji nagari yana sauraron matarsa, ya fahimci damuwa da buƙatunta, ya kuma baza tunani da ƙwarewarsa wajen magance matsaloli da damuwar farin cikin ransa.
4. Miji nagari yana riƙon matarsa a matsayin abokiyar rayuwarsa, rabin addininsa, mahaifiyar ‘ya’yansa, yana nuna mata ƙauna, kulawa da girmamawa, tare da ƙarfafa mata gwuiwa wajen ayyukan alkhairi.
5. Miji nagari yana bai wa matarsa lokaci, tare da tantance tsakanin haƙƙokin mahaifiya da na matarsa. Mahaifiya: ƙauna, girmamawa da biyayya. Mata: ƙauna, girmamawa da tausayawa.
Matuƙar an samu mace tagari a gidan miji nagari, hakan zai ba su damar zama da rayuwa tagari, tare da samar da zuri’a tagari, wacce Annabin Rahma sallallahu alaihi wa sallam zai yi alfahari da ita. Allah Jalla wa Alaa yana cewa:
“Wal baladud dayyibu yakhruju nabaatuhu bi izni Rabbihi wallazi khabutha laa yakhruju illa nakida…” 6
LADUBBAN ZAMAN MA’AURATA
RAYUWA A KAN MANUFA.
Rayuwa ba manufa, rayuwa ce marar ɗanɗano. Matukar ma’aurata sun haɗu a kan manufa ɗaya, za su rayu ne a kan wannan manufar, amma in aka yi rashin dace, yadda miji yake kallon al’amura da bambanci da nahiyar da ita take kallo, toh! a nan tushen saɓani yake. In dai manufa kuwa, za ta bambanta hanyoyin isa ga manufar ma za su bambanta. A wannan yanayi saɓani da cin karo zai dabaibaye zamantakewar aure, saboda ba a kan manufa ɗaya ake tafiya ba. duk kammalallen mutum yana samun nasara ne saboda dabi’ar tsayuwa a kan manufa. A cikin manufar samar da ɗan Adam za mu iya fahimtar gamammiyar manufar aure.
Hajiya amarya, manufarku ta farko ta kasance zaman ibada da neman yardar Allah, ba al’ada ba. Akwai keɓantacciyar manufar aure nau’ika biyu; Asliyyah; Kiyaye wanzuwar jinsin ɗan Adam. Sai kuma Taba’iyya sauran manufofi da mutum ya Ƙudura a ransa a matsayin manufar da ta motsa shi ya yi aure; haihuwa, kamewa daga sha’awa, biyan bukatar dabi’a, godewa ni’imar Allah da sauransu.9
Ma’auratan da suka gina zamantakewar aurensu a kan manufa ingantacciya, sun fi kusa da jin tsoron Allah wajen kulawa da haƙƙoƙin junansu, kuma aure ya fi albarka.
SOYAYYA, AMANA DA KULAWA
Soyayya, amana da kulawa su ne manyan sirrukan ɗorewar zamantakewar ma’aurata cikin aminci da amintarwa. AlKur’ani mai girma ya ba mu wasu ƙa’idoji guda uku assakan, al-mawadda, ar-rahma, domin samun ingantacciyar zamantakewar aure mai haifar da kyakkyawar makoma.
Yaren soyayya guda biyar su ne: kyauta, ba da lokaci (kulawa), hidimtawa juna, yabawa juna da kuma haɗuwar gangan jiki. Ummul Mu’uminina Radiyallahu anha tana bayanin yadda fiyayyen halitta salawaatu Rabbiy wa salaamuhu alaihi yake rayuwar soyayya da iyalansa, hatta fita sallah in zai yi, ya kan sunbace su, domin rayar da ruhin kauna. Tsarkakakkiyar soyayya mai asali tana ƙunshe da kulawa ta musamman, binciken zamani ya tabbatar da cewa kulawa ta musamman da fahimtar juna su ne mafi girman abin da yake gaggawar mallake zuciyar abokin zama. Akwai mabambantan hanyoyi na nunawa juna soyayya a zamanance.
7. As-Sa’adatuz Zaujiyya na Shaykh Ridhaa al-Misriy sh99
8. Al-Maqaasidul aammah Lis shari’atil Islamiyyah na Dr. Yusuf Hamid al-Aalim sh393
9. Karanta Maganar Ibnu Qayyim al-Jauziyyah (Allah ya masa rahma) a Hadyun Nabawiy 3/149
10. Karanta Raudatul Muhibbin wa nuzhatul Mushtaqeen na Ibnu Qayyim al-Jauziyya da Dauqul Hamaamah fil ulfati wal aalaaf na Ibnu Hazm al-Andulusiy 11. Suratul A’araaf:189 da Rum:21
12. Gift, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, appreciation and physical touch karanta The 5 love languages; The secret of love that lasts na Gary Chapman
13. Karanta Fiqh of Love na Dr. Yasir Birjas da 101 Amazing ways to say “I Love You” na Cucan Pemo
Rihlatun Najaah bainaz zaujaini Shaykh Fahad Ibnu Yahya al-Amariy sh 5-6
Aslun Nizaamul Ijtima’iy fil Islam na Shaykh Muhammad Dahir Ibnu AShuur
3. KYAKKYAWAR MU’AMALA
Ma’aurata za su mu’amalanci junansu da mafi kyawun mu’amala “Wa aashiruuhunna bil Ma’aruf “14 , “Wa lahunna misthlul Laziy alaihinna bil Ma’aruf”15 su taimaka wa junansu wajen biyayya ga Allah Jalla wa Alaa da Manzonsa. Akwai fuskoki masu yawa da za su ba mu misalai, na yadda shugabanmu abin koyinmu sallallahu alaihi wa sallam yake kyakkyawar mu’amala ta koli da iyalansa, ya ba su yalwataccen lokaci, ya nuna musu ƙauna da soyayya, su yi raha, wanka, hira duk tare, ya taya su aikin gida, yana musu gyara cikin sauƙi, hikima da azanci ya kuma nuna kishinsa gare su.
Hajiya amarya, ki faranta masa ta kowacce fuska, ki girmama shi, ki gabatar da buƙatunsa a kan kowa, ki girmama ra’ayi da karɓar shawararsa a muhallin da ya dace, ki kasance mai nutsuwa da bin komai a tsanaki, tuna masa tsare-tsarensa na rayuwa, ki nemo dubarun kwantar da hankalin his excellency yayin fushi, bacin rai ko wata musiba.
Masu hikima sun tattare sirrin samun sa’adar zamantakewar aure a Khamsah Taa’aat da ya kamata a samu zaman tare; at-Tafaahum, at-Tasaamuh, at-Tafaa’ul, at-Tazayyun, at-Tajaddud17
4. TAUSAYI, RAHMA, SAUƘI DA SAUƘAƘAWA
Waɗannan dunƙulallun halaye, jigo ne mai ƙarfi da yake rike zaman tare, wanda ake buƙatarsa ga dukkan ɓangarorin biyu, domin wannan jigo yana biyo bayan tsaftatacciyar ƙauna da take zukatan ma’aurata. Annabin rahma sallallahu alaihi wa sallam ya yi gamammiyar wasiyya a kan a riƙe mata da alkhairi, cikin kyautatawa a kowanne yanayi na mu’amala da su, kuma a aikace za mu ga gaba ɗayan rayuwarsa, tana fassara ludufi da bin zamantakewarsa da su sannu-sannu.
“Istausuu bin nisaa’I khairan fa’innal mar’ata khuliqna min dwala’in a’awaj. Wa inna a’awaju ma fid dala’i a’alaahu”
Imam an-Nawawiy (Allah ya masa rahma) ya ce: “A cikin wannan akwai kira ga laddafawa mata da kyautata musu, haƙuri a kan karkatar dabi’arsu da haƙurin juriya a kan raunin hankulansu”
Shaykh AbdulAziz Ibnu Baaz (Allah ya masa rahma) yana cewa: “Wannan umarni ne ga mazaje, iyaye, ‘yan uwa da wasunsu a kan su kyautata mu’amala ga jinsin mata, kada su zalunce su, su ba su haƙƙokinsu, sannan su fuskantar da su zuwa alkhairi”
Ku sani saɓani ɗabi’a ce ta ɗan Adam, duk cikar mutum yana kuskure duk kamalarsa ta ilmi, addini, wayewa ko fahimtar rayuwa ta mutum , ɗan Adamtaka tana gitta masa. Idan yadda saɓani ya gifta, al’amura sun rikice, ki gayyato nutsuwa zuciyarki, kar ki zartar da hukunci yayin fushi, ki tuno 90/10 rules 20 kada ki nemi saki, ba fita yaji, kar ki fasa yi masa da’a, domin daman don Allah kike,kada kuma ki kai ƙararsa wajen Iyaye, ki koma ga Allah, ki yi alwalla ki yi sallah raka’a biyu kiyi addu’o’i a ciki…Sannan daga baya ki bi matakan da suka dace, Allah ya taimaka ya kuma rufa asiri-.______________________
14. Nisa’I:19 16. Azzawaaj wa fu’aduhu wa aatharuhun Naafi’ah na shaykh Abdullah Ibnu Jaarullah al-Jaarullah sh12 da Yaumun Fiy Baitur Rasuul Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam na AbdulMalik Ibnu Muhammad al-Qaasim sh 72-73
17. As-Sa’adatuz Zaujiyya na Shaykh Ridhaa al-Misriy sh99 18. Bukhari (2/332), Muslim (3/440)
19. Majmu’u Fataawaa wa Maqalaatis shaykh Ibnu Bazz 5/298
20. Prescriptions of Successful Marriage and Parenting Barr.Ridwan Jami’u sh84 21. Aadabuz Zufaaf fis Sunnatil Mudahhirah na Allamah Muhammad Nasiruddeen Albaniy.
22. Domin Islamic sexology karanta ISLAM AND SEX according to Qur’an and hadeeth by Da’awah academy Int’l Islamic University of Islamabad,Pakistan. 23. Albishirinku manema aure na Shaykh Abubakar Abbas
5. LADUBBAN TAREWA A GIDAN MIJI
A daren tarewa abubuwa 11 ya kamata ma’aurata masu addini da wayewa su aikata: i.Adduar shiga gida ii-Sallama iii-Shigowa da abincin da ya dace iv-Sallatar nafila raka’a biyu tare v-Karanta wannan adu’o’in “Allahumma baarik liy fiy ahliy wa baarik lahum fiyya. Allahummaj ma’a bainana ma jama’ata bi khairin wa farriq bainana iza farraqta ila khairin” ko kuma “Allahumma baarik liy fiy ahliy wa baarik li ahli fiyya, Allahummar zuqhum minni warzuqni minhum, Allahummaj ma’a bainana ma jama’ata fi khairin wa farriq bainana iza farraqta fi khairin’’ vi-Sannan ango ya kama goshin amaryarsa ya karanta ‘Allahumma inni as’aluka khairaha wa khaira ma jabaltaha alaihi wa a’azu bika min sharriha wa sharri ma jabaltaha alaihi’’ vii-Takaitacciyar hirar debe kewa da soyayya viii- Suyi wanka da brush ix-Idan ba ta jinin al’ada ayi mu’amalar aure su karanta ‘Bismillahi, Allahumma jannabinas shaidan wa jannaibis shaidana ma razaqtana’’x-Kiyaye ladubban mu’amalar aure7 xii.Bayan an gama a yi wanka ko alwalla kafin kwanciya.
Washegarin tarewa ma’aurata suna zaunawa dogon lokaci domin meeting, su tattauna a kan yadda za su rayu har ƙarshen rayuwa cikin ƙauna da haɗin kai, a tsara gida da yadda zamantakewa za ta kasance, domin rayuwa ta ilmi, ƙauna da tausayawa, su fahimci manufofin juna da tsare-tsaren juna, tafiya a kan tsari, shi ne asasin saurin isa ga manufa. Masu hikima na cewa “Zo mu zauna, zo mu tsara”
RUFEWA
Kiyaye ladubban zamantakewar aure, shi zai baiwa auren armashi da sakamako mafi inganci, wanda wannan sakamakon shi zai sanya al’umma ta zama a kan saiti da ci gaba wanda akasin haka, zai jefa al’umma cikin mummunar makoma. Allah Jalla wa Alaa ya kiyaye-Dr. Muhammad Sani Umar yana cewa: “Masu miyagun tunani sun ɗago kai, suna aiki dare da rana domin ganin cewa sun rushe ginin wannan al’umma, wanda farkon tubalinsa, an gina shi ne daga gida. Idan miji da mata suka sami haɗa kansu bisa turba ta Musulunci, to sai ka samu ‘ya’yansu sun taso cikin kyakkyawar tarbiyya, To amma da zarar aka samu kishiyar haka, wato miji da mata suka gina rayuwa ba a kan turba ba, to lamarin ‘ya’yansu ba zai yi kyau ba”.
Rabbana hab lana min azwaajina wa zurriyyatina qurrata a’ayunin waj’alna lil muttaqina imaama. Wa antal musta’aan wa alaikal balaagh wala haula wala quwwata illa billahil aliyyul azeem. Wa sallallahu wa sallam alaa nabiyyina Muhammad wa aalihi wa sahb ihi ajma’in.
Subhanakallahumma wa bihamdika asshahadu an laa ilaha illa anta astaghfiruka wa atuubu ilaika.
